personas.

It’s interesting to me all the different ways we work to understand our identities. I am addicted to understanding what it is that makes me who I am and if I had any influence over it or if I’m simply influenced by when I was born and how I was raised. Of all the methods that have been devised to put a language behind the things that make us uniquely us, I’ve yet to find one that didn’t feel like I was reading a portrait of myself in words.

I am a Two. The Enneagram explains why I desire to be loved and connect with others in an authentic and meaningful way. It is in my nature to help others, which explains why I so strongly desired to be a peer counselor in high school (although one of the most awkward encounters was counseling my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend after a suicide attempt. I still haven’t lived down the guilt after he dumped her to get back together with me), and why I’m drawn to being a victim’s advocate now.

Motherhood is a perfect example of where I tend to forget to attend to my own needs. I will fall into bed, exhausted, wondering when the last time I ate was. Although I have often fought against the idea that I should sacrifice my desires for my child’s, I still choose her over me more often than not.

In group settings, I have to hold myself back from being the first to volunteer or the first to speak. I was the one in college who carried the group, resenting everyone else along the way while also not allowing anyone to participate.

I have boundary issues. I could go into a whole post on this topic alone. I will say yes before I say no, and I will bring my A+ game (because nothing less is acceptable). I’m actively working on learning to let go of control and say no.

This is how I show up in all of my relationships. I love helping people and my heart bleeds for justice. I supposed that subliminally, it happens because I have a need to be validated, but that’s not my motivating factor. If you need me, I’ll be there, no questions or judgement allowed.

I am African Violet. My color says that I am highly creative, but afraid to share my work because I am easily hurt by critics. My emotions are reflected in my work, and I wear my heart on my sleeve. African Violet is a shade of purple, my favorite color.

I am a Warrior. My Archetype tells me that my divine purpose is to protect the universe and I am constantly seeking justice. A natural leader, I am drawn to create change in this life. Showing up in this way lets me feed my need to Get. Shit. Done. I won’t back from a challenge and I don’t shy away from change.

I have always been best as an entrepreneur. I am learning through my current life changes that I am a terrible employee. I dance to the beat of my own drum.

The downside is that “yes” factor again—I say yes to projects and people that I’m not fully committed to, simply because I enjoy the challenge of something new or exciting.

I am a Taurus. Astrology gives me another layer of identity characteristics. As my mom likes to joke, even though I fall on the cusp, I am all bull. I will stubbornly insist that there are no Aries traits here. A lover of food and inspired by tactile desires, this could not be a more perfect sign for me. I am loyal to my friends (sometimes to a fault), and love to indulge in luxurious things (especially food). I can be a total hedonist and will make decisions based on pleasure before being rational any day.

I am an Illuminator. My intrinsic motivation is to think in black and white, with no room for gray areas. I stand for justice and will quickly and vociferously speak out when I see injustice. I am most certainly not shy with my opinion.

I will stand behind you to the end of days, if it ensures that justice will be served. I will cheer you on, all along the way.

I am a Goat. The Chinese zodiac says that I constantly look for the best in people, even those that have hurt or betrayed me. I see this a lot in how hard I work to support reunification with Alissa and her dad, even though he’s spent over two years resisting the formal apology process that the court has now ordered him to comply with. I catch myself making excuses for him and being open and supportive if he decides to do the work, which makes Alissa feel betrayed.

I am ENFP. Sometimes I think that Coronavirus might have broken my extrovert because Zoom calls exhaust me and I don’t want to go out into the world, but at the end of the day, my Myers-Briggs type shows how much I desire human connection and am rooted in curiosity. I truly seek to connect with people on a real level, so that I can understand and work to make the world a better place.

I embody love. It’s my power word. My purpose on this earth is to spread love. It can come in many forms, and I have seen it in many aspects in the way that I show up in this world.

I believe that we all have value, and it is my hope for the world that we can all see our own value without waiting for someone else to validate it for us.

All of these things are what make me who I am, and it never ceases to amaze me at how many of these varying persona types have elements that cross over and reinforce one another. I still wonder how much of who we are is tied to our birth date and the experiences we’ve lived since. I don’t think that these assessments really answer that question, but rather, uphold the idea that it is a combination of things that make us who we are.

Please check out these amazing writers and their posts on this month’s theme: Identity

Becoming Myself by Jacey Rogel
A Reintroduction by Kristin Rouse
A Rose by Any Other Name Would Not Be Me by Mia Sutton
Shifting Identity by Sarah Hartley
Discovering Identity by Mala Kennedy
The Identity You’re Given by Liz Russell
What’s My Name Again? by Danni EverAfter
Dinosaurs and Unicorns by Jenn Norrell